Max building a cupcake at William's 10th birthday party 

what we know so far

1. This bar mitzvah will take place outside the auspices of "our" synagogue
2. there will be no rabbi officiating, or even attending
3. Max wants a dinner for extremely close friends, family and out of town guests Friday night
4. Max wants a Havdalah ceremony and to avoid chanting torah (but I'm pushing this one!)
5. Max will be chanting the first portion of Va-etchanan: Deuteronomy 3:23-7:11
6. Max will be inviting people to walk the trails and visit the portions of the nature center that he has helped improve or build.
7. There will be FOOD which should probably be it's own blog, but at this point we're torn between doing everything ourselves or supplementing with a great caterer
8. Max doesn't want a dance so we're having food after the ceremony and star gazing with a super high powered telescope and a famous astronomer friend in attendance :)

"SAVE THE DATE" emails have been sent to guests. If you didn't get yours let me know!

and so the saga begins

Like a wedding, a bar mitzvah celebration doesn't just happen. And also like a wedding, it can be as secular or religious as a couple/family wants. Here we are with a 12 year old son who is being raised with a Jewish identity and Jewish education, but also aware of his diverse family history. Because our son is intact, and also born of my wife (who is not Jewish), he is not Jewish according to Jewish law (halachah). So what's a mother to do?

• Complain a little
• check with multiple authoritities to get opinions
• discuss with family, son, extended family & friends
• make a decision
• make a plan

check, check, check, check, recheck, and I'm working on the plan. If you have had a "bar mitzvah" outside a synagogue and without a rabbi, if you have ideas to make a ceremony meaningful and accessible, please share!