Do-it-yourself Bar Mitzvah is possible!

In the ensuing months I have consulted multiple authorities from conservative, reform, reconstructionist and secular humanist branches of Judaism. The consensus in this family is that a bar mitzvah happens whether you have an aliah or not. Max is a wonderful, quiet, introverted individual and has always wanted a havdallah bar mitzvah. He shall have one! We have picked and gleened multiple pieces of bar mitzvah and havdalah ceremonies to create the one he will be using. I will publish it in it's entirety for everyone to benefit from AFTER his bar mitzvah (so the suprise is still there for those of you that attend)

We've decided the theme will still be outdoors/backpacking/trail buiding and I have agreed to a menu that is less than I'd like, but fits the theme; hot dogs and hamburgers! The ceremony will start about 5 and the entire family will lead it with max having about 1/3 of the speaking parts then he will lead the Havdalah ceremony himself. We will finish with a low-key party. We'll have some funny games for kids to do and shmoozing area for adults. We're keeping the guest list to under 100 and having this entire thing at a local nature center www.memphismuseums.org/nature.htm so the nature theme is around us in the comfort of air conditioning and indoor plumbing!

I've designed several invitations with the help of MS publisher, though I'd hoped to make it in adobe photoshop, but given up in frustration. Max picked one and we'll print it ourselves. He's been given a checking account to manage the budget for this entire thing, from the postage to the party gifts. We're asking close friends to help out by bringing some food and help decorate earlier in the day on the day of the actual party. It seems kind of cheeky, but we're not a wealthy family with a budget to make this on par with many bar mitzvahs we've attended. We want this to be a meaningful marker of this important transition in Max's life, not a budget breaker, marriage wrecker event (which so many bar mitzvahs are!)

Non-traditional bar mitzvahs without synagogue affiliation are not easy. It requires organization and determination, but it can be done and we ARE doing it! Different doesn't mean less than, it means different. We're making this meaningful bar mitzvah to match our beliefs, eclectic family and friends and our bar mitzvah boy. For some it's sacrilige. Bar mitzvahs should include the child in the community, bring the mitzvah to the community on it's own terms and put the child into existing services. Our children do not have the benefit of existing services because our narrow-minded conversative rabbi (interim, I might add) has excluded them from the synagogue. They are strong enough to know they are Jewish without a synaoguge. This service is Jewish and without the blessings or supervision of a local rabbi. We remain deeply grateful to the rabbis who have shared their resources, services and reasonings on our son's bar mitzvah. Without them it would have been much more difficult.

Secular bar/bat mizvah: http://heh.pl/&eq
Humanistic bar mitzvah: http://heh.pl/&er
and more: http://bethchai.org/MitzvahPage.html

Next I'll explore my son's service project; building hiking trail and volunteering as a part of tikkun olam and bal tashchit.